MY LIFE IN THE MOUNTAIN WEST: December 2025

Most of you know the rules, though some of you are new to my blogging:

Only items that I tried for the first time are eligible. A Double-Double, Yang Chow's Slippery Shrimp, every single thing at Japango... all ineligible, even though they are better than all but the Top 3 items here.

SPECIAL AWARD: PICKLE LEMONADE at POPEYES

I do not give out a special award very often. This is the 16th year I have written a "Best Of" list, and I believe this is only the fourth such time. It is reserved for a food that I both loved AND hated. It is rarely something I try more than once, and it is always something weird.

This was delicious lemonade, which is always refreshing... but with a healthy amount of pickle juice. That may sound gross, but it was actually... kind of tasty.

But fucking WEIRD.

And now, the worst:

#10: PRINGLES GHOST PEPPER RANCH

This is more out of principle than hating the actual item. It wasn't bad. But it wasn't the least bit spicy. Even the can itself admits it is "medium." WTF is the point of making something "ghost pepper" and then not even trying to make it spicy?

Obviously, there was no actual ghost pepper used.

This would be like serving something advertised as an "A5 Wagyu Steak Burger" and then not including any actual beef.

#9: FOOTLONG HOT DOG at BILL'S JUMBO BURGER (Clovis, NM)

I stopped here not because it looked good - it looked awful, actually - but because it was a crucial filming location in one of the best movies of the last decade, Hell or High Water.

I had not eaten a footlong hot dog in at least 20 years.

I still haven't.

This was two crappy small wieners placed end to end in a bun that was maybe 7 inches.

Even if the description had not been a lie, the hot dog still sucked. Dry, salty, shriveled... inedible, even under a deluge of ketchup and mustard.

Now, with a small fries and bottle of water, the total was less than seven bucks. The place obviously does not exist to serve good food; it exists to serve cheap food. And they succeed in that purpose.

But this is a list of the best and worst things I ate this year, and this hot dog was one of the worst.

#8: PAPER-WRAPPED CHICKEN AT MAY PALACE (Durango, CO)

I ate a hot & sour soup with this meal that was one of the Top 5 examples I have ever eaten. (If this "Best Of" list was expanded to 25, you would read about it shortly.)

Unfortunately, the paper-wrapped chicken is one of - possibly THE WORST - I have ever tried. Rubbery, dense, and flavorless.

#7: BLUES HOG STEAK & CHOP SAUCE

The worst steak sauce I have ever tasted. I can only describe it as "rancid ketchup with overwhelming black pepper."

#6: TRADER JOE'S GHOSTS & BATS CRISPY POTATO SNACKS

I do not believe I have ever tasted anything more bland and boring. You could dunk these in chile con queso and they would still be inedible.

#5: PRIVATE SELECTION CARAMELIZED ONION DIP

As I wrote in January, imagine a shitty French onion soup mixed with Cheez Wiz, with even more salt added.

I am not sure if I have ever had a worse dip.

(Those sweet onion chips are awesome, though.)

#4: TRADER JOE'S GLUTEN FREE CRANBERRY RAISIN TOASTS

This is not something I would ever buy for myself, but a friend who is gluten-free was joining me for wine and cheese, so I grabbed a package of these.

And tried one.

It is the worst gluten-free cracker/toast I have ever tried, by a factor of 10.

#3: GT'S ALIVE ANCIENT MUSHROOM ELIXIR (COLA)

There is a Root Beer version that is always in stock at Trader Joe's, and I drink two or three of them per week.

There is a Lemon-Lime variety that appears at TJ's in summer (and is available at other stores year-round), and I love it even more.

So, when I noticed the Cola flavor at Whole Foods in Boulder in January, it was a no-brainer to get one.

Back at my motel, I took a sip.

And then poured it in the toilet you see in the background

I would rather drink cough syrup than this shit.

#2: DEHYDRATED ZUCCHINI from the SANTA FE FARMERS MARKET

"Never make assumptions; they're always wrong." - my dad, throughout my childhood

I love zucchini. I love dehydrated foods. I love the Santa Fe Farmers Market in spring and summer.

So I assumed I would love this.

It was the second-worst thing I tried in 2025.

Even Maggie would not touch it, and she eats cat poop.

THE WORST THING I TRIED IN 2025: HOUSE SPECIAL CRYSTAL CHICKEN at MAMA LU'S DUMPLING HOUSE (Pasadena, CA)

In addition to all of the dim sum and soup that I ordered, Tracie said we should try a regular entree and suggested this because it was called "House Special."

It was the worst thing I ate on that vacation.

It was the worst thing I ate on any vacation.

It was the worst thing I ate in 2025.

Rubbery, flavorless, full of fat, the texture of rubber bands... this was so godawful that I no longer plan to marry Tracie.

("There is no fucking way I am trying that," Murph announced.)

And now the good stuff:

#20: POUR HOUSE POPPERS at DERAILED POUR HOUSE (Durango, CO)

I have eaten many jalapeño poppers in my life. Many of them have been wrapped in bacon.

But I have never had any this good. Every single element, right down to the cilantro dill ranch, was great.

Special shout out to the bacon, which was cooked perfectly.

#19: TEXAS ROLL at OSAKA JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE (Midland, TX)

I have eaten hundreds of different varieties of sushi rolls in my life.

This is the first one that ever included crispy steak.

I was drunk, having downed beers all afternoon in the blazing July Texas heat, so take this with a grain of salt, but I freaking loved this roll.

#18: BISON BRISKET BIRRIA QUESATACOS at MURPH'S HOUSE OF GUNS & MAGIC (Pasadena, CA)

Several of you were present for this.

Fuck, was it good.

#17: SALSA at TACO LIBRE (Durango, CO)

I may have eaten better salsa at some point in my life, but I really can't remember when.

And, to answer the obvious question, that Coors Banquet was my first beer of the day, so I was not drunk... yet.

#16: LIMEADE with CHARCOAL from SANTA FE FARMER'S MARKET

There are certain beverages that I associate with summers of my life:

- Coke Slurpee, Summer of 1990

- Arizona Iced Tea, Summer of 1994

- Country Time Lemonade, Summer of 1998

- Guinness, Every Summer 2001-2008

- New Belgium Summer Helles, Summer of 2014

This one may not be as good as the others, but it is unquestionably healthier.

#15: JACKSON BROWN(SIC) ROLL at OSAKA SUSHI (Salida, CO)

The bartender at my previous bar - there were 8 of them that day - recommended both the restaurant and the roll.

Spicy ahi, cream cheese, and jalapeño, all dipped in tempura batter and fried.

Delicious.

#14: COUNTRY BOB'S CHILI LIME WING SAUCE

As you know, I eat a lot of Trader Joe's gluten-free boneless chicken nuggets. As you are equally aware, 99% of the time, I toss them in some kind of sauce.

With the possible exception of Wing-It's "Sweet & Tangy" sauce, this is the best wing sauce I have ever tried.

#13: NASHVILLE HOT SHRIMP (HANDY + JUSTIN)

I bought these Handy Nashville Hot Shrimp in Colorado, always searching for something equal to the Bennigan's buffalo shrimp of my childhood, and fried them up when I returned home. They were not bad, but, as with almost all commercial products claiming to be "Nashville Hot," they were not the least bit spicy.

So, after eating one shrimp, I made own sauce with cayenne, paprika, oil, and all the traditional things you would find in a Nashville Hot sauce.

They were awesome this way.

#12: POPEYES PICKLE GLAZE CHICKEN SANDWICH

As you might notice, this was the same visit as the pickle lemonade. Hell, they might use the same sauce for both.

But, whereas it was weird with lemonade, it was delicious with Popeyes legendary chicken sandwich.

#11: TACO BELL MILK BAR BIRTHDAY CAKE CHURRO

It's not surprising that every few years Popeyes or Del Taco pops up in these Best Of lists, because I love those places - and, in their best moments, they make great items. (Though, it pains my to say it, Del Taco is slipping considerably as they have expanded under the ownership of Jack in the Box.)

But I never would have expected Taco Bell to make the list.

Taco Bell sucks.

However, Milk Bar does not, so when they partnered with Taco Bell to release a churro, I had to try it.

I had a hard time believing how good they were on first bite. So I bought a half-dozen and brought them to work.

All of my coworkers loved them, too.

#10: WAGYU BACON from NO BULL PRIME MEATS

This is staggeringly expensive for bacon - $38.99/pound - so it's not an everyday (or weekly, or monthly) indulgence, but my God is it fantastic.

If I return to Pasadena again in the next couple of years, I will be sure to bring some of this with me.

#9: PRETZEL at THE OFFICE BAR (Salida, CO)

Giant pretzels have always, for lack of a better word, bored me. They mostly taste the same and serve a utilitarian purpose as a vehicle for dip or toppings, be it ballpark mustard or creamy queso.

I needed something to accompany my beers at this bar and was torn between meatballs or the Bavarian pretzel. I chose the latter, in large part because I wanted to try the "green chile beer mustard."

I am glad I did.

It was the best giant pretzel I have ever had.

And the beer cheese was awesome, too.

#8: CARPACCIO at PALACE (Santa Fe, NM)

This was a night I will remember for the rest of my life, with equal parts joy and melancholy. You will read about it one day, if you get my meaning.

The carpaccio was magnificent, too.

#7: WAGYU BURGER from BECK & BULOW

Another night at Murph's in September. We got drunk at Blind Donkey and he asked what I wanted for dinner. I told him I brought these Wagyu Burgers from Santa Fe just for a night like this.

"Are you SURE you don't mind cooking?" he asked me three times.

I topped both with Trader Joe's goat cheese with caramelized onion. Mine got mayo and pickles; his did not.

"This is the best burger I have ever had," he said, also three times.

I cannot say the same, but it is definitely in my Top 5.

"Is there any chance of you moving back to California?" he asked me, though only once.

#6: THE DON at GRIMALDI'S PIZZERIA (El Paso, TX)

I lived four blocks from the legendary Grimaldi's in Brooklyn. I will never forget my first time eating it.

It was in El Paso two years ago.

The Brooklyn location always, every hour they were open, had a line down the street. The only thing I hate more than waiting in line for a restaurant is... well, New York City, I guess.

On my first visit to Grimaldi's in El Paso, in the summer of 2023, I thought the pizza was very good. But I did not think it was great. Quite a few of the pizza places at which I had eaten in New York City all lingered in my mind as superior.

This time, however, it was great: sausage, meatball, and pepperoni (with, for some reason, the tiniest amount of basil I have ever witnessed).

#5: CLUCKIN' GOOD CHICKEN SANDWICH at ROOTED CRAFT KITCHEN (Boulder, CO)

Like millions of Americans, I have eaten a LOT of fried chicken sandwiches in the last few years. I have always loved them, and their proliferation since 2019 has been one of my favorite food trends of my lifetime.

I cannot remember having a better one than this. Did it seem better than it was because I was sitting at a bar underneath the Flatirons watching the NFL playoffs and drinking a Coors Light?

Maybe.

I don't care.

I ate it where and when I ate it and it was outstanding.

#4: HURRICANE DITKA at THE BIKER AND THE BAKER (Salida, CO)

I have accumulated more than 100,000 photos of food in the last 20 years, since a vacation to Memphis in May in spring of 2005 where I began photographing everything I ate on vacation - which eventually turned into photographing everything I ate at restaurants everywhere.

This is one of my 10 favorites.

"Scrambled eggs, caramelized onions, goat cheese, chorizo, hash browns, wrapped into a monster burrito with cilantro, green chili, and Cholula."

Do you need me to say anything more, or is the description enough?

#3: WAGYU TENDERLOIN from BECK & BULOW

Without question the most expensive steak I have ever purchased from a butcher.

Totally worth it. The above cut was made with the knife, but every other was made with a fork. That's how tender it was.

A steak at The Hitching Post II 15 years ago is burned in my memory as the best steak I have ever eaten, but if I were to put it side by side with this one, I have a hard time believing it would still be my #1.

#2: YUZU EBI at SUSHIITO (El Paso, TX)

I ate this for dinner the same day I ate #6 for lunch. Talk about a good day.

From the menu: "Tempura shrimp tossed in yuzu sauce; served with scallions, sesame seeds, togarashi, and sriracha."

I have been loving fried shrimp for 40 years now. It is one of my favorite things that I have loved as long as I have been eating it.

I can count on one hand the number of fried shrimp that have been in the same ballpark as these.

One or two may have been as good.

But none better.

THE BEST THING I ATE IN 2025: ROASTED BONE MARROW at STEAKHOUSE 316 (Boulder, CO)

Have you ever eaten something so luxuriously decadent that you felt ashamed?

Me neither.

But this is the closest I will ever come. Smooth, sweet, salty, fatty... I could feel my arteries clogging with each bite, but still continued. We shared a bottle of Pinot, and then each got another glass, and then another.

She did not like the marrow as much as I, so I ate it all and when it was gone I ran my finger through the bone, multiple times, licking off the juices and then the memory.

In Bushmills, Northern Ireland, late winter 2004, I drank a glass of whiskey so delicious that I swore I would never again order another whiskey, and I never have.

I may do the same thing with bone marrow now.

But.. probably not.

Happy New Year's.

I picked up my cousin Alexandra at the ABQ International* Sunport** the other evening. She was scheduled to arrive at 9:50 PM; she did not arrive until after midnight.

Now, there are some places in America where I could reasonably entertain myself from 10-midnight.

Albuquerque is not one of those places.

So I parked at the airport and curled up in my backseat, hoping to take a nap. (I could not.)

I found this on the floor behind the driver's seat. A few days earlier, I had bought candy at the store to put in the Christmas stockings of my parents and coworkers, and this was one of them, which I obviously had failed to remove from my car.

It was okay. Not bad by any means, but it did not taste of Twinkie. (Although I have not had a Twinkie in well over a decade, unless you count the battered-and-fried Twinkies they used to sell at Walmart and were actually fucking fantastic when heated in the air-fryer and dusted with powdered sugar.)

But it did give me a nice sugar rush, which was something. I guess.

*The ~~airport~~ sunport has customs and borders facilities for international cargo flights, so it is considered an international airport... because it can accept diverted international flights if necessary. Even though it doesn't actually offer any commercial international flights at the moment, they theoretically could start doing so. This amuses me. They don't offer international flights, but they could if they wanted to, so it's considered an international airport.

**They call it a sunport because Albuquerque has about 300 sunny days per year, so someone thought it would be cute to call the airport a "sunport." I suppose that's better than a grandtheftautoport or methheadport... but it's still really stupid.